Runaway Weddings: How the Ceremony can recapture the Moment
Tuesday, October 14, 2014 at 10:34AM You have heard about the 'Runaway Bride' and there are always those pre-nup nudges who urge the groom to, "Run while you can." Now we are going to explore,' The Runaway Wedding.' This idea came up when I was meeting with a couple whose wedding was 6 months away. Both MDs, this couple had already put a ban on all things wedding related. This way they could relax and enjoy their Cape Cod vacation. The fact that they were meeting with me, their officiant, was ironic and flattering.
No matter how simple you try to keep it, it gets complicated.
The ceremony can recapture the runaway wedding beginning at the rehearsal. While going over the ceremony the couple is reminded about what all the fuss is about: why they have gone to such lengths, made so many seemingly inconsequential decisions and gathered, from far and wide, friends and family to witness this age old ritual of faith and fidelity. It is all about this crazy thing called love!
My niece, Leah, pointed this out in July when we did a short run through of her ceremony reconfirming her love and commitment to Emilio. Their first ceremony was in a 13th century Catholic Church in a bell tolling village outside of Madrid. This wedding was put together in a matter of weeks. It looks to me like the most exquisite wedding ceremony imaginable. But Leah wanted her California friends and family to celebrate her marriage as well. Their second ceremony was co-officiated by my brother Bri and I, my son played music and it was a homespun affair sitting on hay bales overlooking the Sonoma Valley Vineyards.
So what does a Runaway Wedding look like? For many couples the religious rituals don't dictate the wedding ceremony anymore. At the same time we are in the virtual age. It is easy to lose sight of what you are about to do and become caught up in the production of an image. It's not real until it is on Facebook or the video is released.
I try to balance these two polarities in my ceremonies keeping the sacred rite of matrimony intact while honoring the traditions that make sense to the couple. I can tell when the focus is off and try to bring it back. This is an attempt to recapture that runaway wedding. It is a matter of managing expectations and downplaying the Disney like fantasy of a virtually perfect performance of a wedding ceremony.
Both weddings for Emilio and Leah were real, with real people- the human factor was in full play! Her parents, my brother and sister- in- law knocked themselves out to have the perfect wedding day at their Sonoma Vineyard Home. There were roller coasters of emotions and dizzying displays of mood swings- all the stuff that happens around a big threshold crossing - the regression before the developmental leap. Both the ceremonies were beautiful, with dimpled smiles and sweet tears and new traditions created. (And to be honest some post nuptial decompression that can feel like exhaustion and often is. Mostly for the family the host of the wedding.)
Keeping it simple is not so simple nor is keeping real but well worth the effort.
As for this subject there is a lot more to say......for another day
We are probably looking at a Runaway Wedding if.......
